
DRAFT
Brooklyn is the oldest daughter of the family and is 10. Willow is the youngest daughter, she is 7. Their mum Amy, is 40. The wind unicorn Pipa is kind and can grow wings. She runs on rainbows and cloud bridges. She can make tornatos and jumps out of clouds. Jenger the fire unicorn is brave and fast and loves to run and jump. She can make rings of fire that she jumps through and praforms for people. The rock unicorn Ace, is a black and white appalosia. He is strong and jentel and can make mountains and create rveans . The earth unicorn Sparrow, is a beutyfull brown and white pinto. He can grow plants by stomping his hoof on the grownd. He can grow vines and other things. These unicorns have many diffrent powers and they are all so unec. Grazelda is a old witch who hates the magic in the forest and wants to turn it into her evil swamp. Her serpents Zek and Rek can shape shift and fly in the air by shaking their body.
One day the two sisters, Brooklyn and Willow go out in to the woods. They stumble upon a old book about unicorns and their magic. Join the girls on their magical adventure and help them defeat the evil witch Grizelda and her serpents.
Chapter One
Willow awoke to the sound of her sister telling her to wake up. “Ok,” Willow said. Brooklyn smelt the air. “Do you smell that?” she asked her sister. “Yes,” Willow replyed. “Mum’s making cookies!” the two girls shouted. Willow jumped out of bed and ran in to the kitchin with Brooklyn where they saw their mum pulling the cookies out. “Oh girls, good morning,” said their mum. “Good morning,” the two replyed. Both grabbed a cookie and with a full mouth Willow strugeld to say, “This is delicious.” “Hey! Chew first!” mum exsclamed. Brooklyn laghed. “Hey dont laugh at me,” said Willow. “Oh you two,” chuceld mum. Wouns they finished their breakfast, they went outside. When they went outside, they fed the chickens, wild birds, pigs, sheep, goats, dogs, cats, horses, cows, and other animals.
Great story idea. I love how you introduced the characters first and invited the reader on an adventure, then started chapter one. Could you add some more to this story? Continue working on your spelling. Excellent punctuation. Watch your use of a instead of an.
FINAL COPY
Brooklyn is the oldest daughter of the family and is 10. Willow is the youngest daughter and is 7. Their mum Amy, is 40. The wind unicorn Pipa is kind and can grow wings. She runs on rainbows and cloud bridges. She can make tornadoes and jumps out of clouds. Jenger the fire unicorn is brave and fast and loves to run and jump. She can make rings of fire that she jumps through and performs for people. The rock unicorn Ace, is a black and white appaloosa. He is strong and gentle and can make mountains and create ravines. The earth unicorn Sparrow, is a beautiful brown and white pinto. He can grow plants by stomping his hoof on the ground. He can grow vines and other things. These unicorns have many different powers and they are all so unique. Grizelda is a old witch who hates the magic in the forest and wants to turn it into her evil swamp. Her serpents Zek and Rek can shape shift and fly in the air by shaking their body.
One day the two sisters, Brooklyn and Willow go out in to the woods. They stumble upon an old book about unicorns and their magic. Join the girls on their magical adventure and help them defeat the evil witch Grizelda and her serpents.
Chapter One
Willow awoke to the sound of her sister telling her to wake up. “Ok,” Willow said. Brooklyn smelt the air. “Do you smell that?” she asked her sister. “Yes,” Willow replied. “Mum’s making cookies!” the two girls shouted. Willow jumped out of bed and ran in to the kitchen with Brooklyn where they saw their mum pulling the cookies out. “Oh girls, good morning,” said their mum. “Good morning,” the two replied. Both grabbed a cookie and with a full mouth, Willow struggled to say, “This is delicious.” “Hey! Chew first!” mum exclaimed. Brooklyn laughed. “Hey don’t laugh at me,” said Willow. “Oh you two,” chuckled mum. Once they finished their breakfast, they went outside. When they went outside, they fed the chickens, wild birds, pigs, sheep, goats, dogs, cats, horses, cows, and other animals. They went back to the house to get dressed to go on a trail ride. They tacked up their horses and set off into the bush. Soon they saw a big tree to climb so they got off their horses and tied them up. Then they started climbing up to the top of the tree. They could see everything from up there. Then they heard a horse in distress but it wasn’t theirs.
Wow this sounds very intriguing. Can’t wait to read more. Excellent story!