life

Brooklyn and the Unicorns

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DRAFT

Brooklyn is the oldest daughter of the family and is 10. Willow is the youngest daughter, she is 7. Their mum Amy, is 40. The wind unicorn Pipa is kind and can grow wings. She runs on rainbows and cloud bridges. She can make tornatos and jumps out of clouds. Jenger the fire unicorn is brave and fast and loves to run and jump. She can make rings of fire that she jumps through and praforms for people. The rock unicorn Ace, is a black and white appalosia. He is strong and jentel and can make mountains and create rveans . The earth unicorn Sparrow, is a beutyfull brown and white pinto. He can grow plants by stomping his hoof on the grownd. He can grow vines and other things. These unicorns have many diffrent powers and they are all so unec. Grazelda is a old witch who hates the magic in the forest and wants to turn it into her evil swamp. Her serpents Zek and Rek can shape shift and fly in the air by shaking their body.

One day the two sisters, Brooklyn and Willow go out in to the woods. They stumble upon a old book about unicorns and their magic. Join the girls on their magical adventure and help them defeat the evil witch Grizelda and her serpents.

Chapter One

Willow awoke to the sound of her sister telling her to wake up. “Ok,” Willow said. Brooklyn smelt the air. “Do you smell that?” she asked her sister. “Yes,” Willow replyed. “Mum’s making cookies!” the two girls shouted. Willow jumped out of bed and ran in to the kitchin with Brooklyn where they saw their mum pulling the cookies out. “Oh girls, good morning,” said their mum. “Good morning,” the two replyed. Both grabbed a cookie and with a full mouth Willow strugeld to say, “This is delicious.” “Hey! Chew first!” mum exsclamed. Brooklyn laghed. “Hey dont laugh at me,” said Willow. “Oh you two,” chuceld mum. Wouns they finished their breakfast, they went outside. When they went outside, they fed the chickens, wild birds, pigs, sheep, goats, dogs, cats, horses, cows, and other animals.

Great story idea. I love how you introduced the characters first and invited the reader on an adventure, then started chapter one. Could you add some more to this story? Continue working on your spelling. Excellent punctuation. Watch your use of a instead of an.

FINAL COPY

Brooklyn is the oldest daughter of the family and is 10. Willow is the youngest daughter and is 7. Their mum Amy, is 40. The wind unicorn Pipa is kind and can grow wings. She runs on rainbows and cloud bridges. She can make tornadoes and jumps out of clouds. Jenger the fire unicorn is brave and fast and loves to run and jump. She can make rings of fire that she jumps through and performs for people. The rock unicorn Ace, is a black and white appaloosa. He is strong and gentle and can make mountains and create ravines. The earth unicorn Sparrow, is a beautiful brown and white pinto. He can grow plants by stomping his hoof on the ground. He can grow vines and other things. These unicorns have many different powers and they are all so unique. Grizelda is a old witch who hates the magic in the forest and wants to turn it into her evil swamp. Her serpents Zek and Rek can shape shift and fly in the air by shaking their body.

One day the two sisters, Brooklyn and Willow go out in to the woods. They stumble upon an old book about unicorns and their magic. Join the girls on their magical adventure and help them defeat the evil witch Grizelda and her serpents.

Chapter One

Willow awoke to the sound of her sister telling her to wake up. “Ok,” Willow said. Brooklyn smelt the air. “Do you smell that?” she asked her sister. “Yes,” Willow replied. “Mum’s making cookies!” the two girls shouted. Willow jumped out of bed and ran in to the kitchen with Brooklyn where they saw their mum pulling the cookies out. “Oh girls, good morning,” said their mum. “Good morning,” the two replied. Both grabbed a cookie and with a full mouth, Willow struggled to say, “This is delicious.” “Hey! Chew first!” mum exclaimed. Brooklyn laughed. “Hey don’t laugh at me,” said Willow. “Oh you two,” chuckled mum. Once they finished their breakfast, they went outside. When they went outside, they fed the chickens, wild birds, pigs, sheep, goats, dogs, cats, horses, cows, and other animals. They went back to the house to get dressed to go on a trail ride. They tacked up their horses and set off into the bush. Soon they saw a big tree to climb so they got off their horses and tied them up. Then they started climbing up to the top of the tree. They could see everything from up there. Then they heard a horse in distress but it wasn’t theirs.

Wow this sounds very intriguing. Can’t wait to read more. Excellent story!

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life

The Penguin Sleepover

DRAFT

Ping Ping is a little penguin. She loves frolicking about with her friends and sliding down icy mowntins on her belly, then splashing back into the water. She loves living in Antarctica. Lolo is Ping Pings best friend. One day Ping Ping, Lolo and some of there other friends were playing, when suddenly Ping Ping had a greate idea. What if they all had a sleepover at her house? They all agreed and went to ask the parent’s. “Can my friend’s please sleep over? Please?” said Ping Ping. “Of course,” Ping Ping’s mum said. They all jumped in exitement. That night they began to bild there cubby. They started to collect blanket’s to hang up, peg’s to clip it up, fairy lights to light it up and lastly some blanket’s and pillow’s.

Excellent story. Keep working on yourok spelling. Well done remembering your punctuation. Id love to hear more about what happens with Ping Ping and her friends.

FINAL COPY

Ping Ping is a little penguin. She loves frolicking about with her friends and sliding down icy mountains on her belly, then splashing back into the water. She loves living in Antarctica. Lolo is Ping Pings best friend. One day Ping Ping, Lolo and some of their other friends were playing, when suddenly Ping Ping had a great idea. What if they all had a sleepover at her house? They all agreed and went to ask the parent’s. “Can my friend’s please sleep over? Please?” said Ping Ping. “Of course,” Ping Ping’s mum said. They all jumped in excitement. That night they began to build their cubby. They started to collect blanket’s to hang up, peg’s to clip it up, fairy lights to light it up and lastly some blanket’s and pillow’s. Finally they were done. “It looks amazing! I’m so proud of us!” Lolo exclaimed. “Let’s go get some snacks now,” Ping Ping said. So they all ran to the kitchen to choose.

Great job adding a bit more onto the story. Keep up the good work.

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Letter

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27/06/22

Dear Chloe,

How have you been? I have been great. Grey cut down the good rope swing and I was sad but it turned out good in the end. He made a normal swing with a board. Me and Willow are doing a Alice in wonder land play it would be great if you could join us just saying. I miss you. I hope we can see each other soon.

Love Brooklyn

12 February 2022

Dear Chloe,

How have you been? I went to horse riding yesterday. It was my last time riding Legend because he is going to a new home. Fun fact, Legend loves the water. He is very slow but his trot is fast. I learnt how to skate board and Willow is learning to skate board a bit. Willow is also learning to rollerblade. I went to dad’s house for Christmas and I got a LED scooter, 2000 bead kit and lots of lollies. What did you get for Christmas? Uncle Blake bought Willow and I some Minecraft Lego. How are your ducks, cats, goats, chickens, bird and dog going? I was really sad when my bird flew away because Avah and Willow left the door open. Hope to hear from you soon. Do you want to be pen pals? I really miss you and I hope I can visit soon.

Love Brooklyn

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July 2022

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This month I ended up taking out a dvo on C and he moved to the next town but we still talk and occasionally see each other. I met a guy who was perfect but he had a gf and didn’t care but I did. I met a guy who lives in another state but seems pretty perfect except I’m not totally sure about whether he is my type physically and he won’t send anymore pics for now which is a bit suss. I feel like im getting closer to my own perfect person though at least. I don’t care where they live. Both of them seemed pretty great apart from being unavailable and then available but weird about their photo. He did explain and sent me 2 at first which one was good and we facetimed too. I want to try to get him to faceting again so I can see him better. So we will see how it goes but otherwise maybe the next guy I meet will be the one I hope. At this point I realise that it’s not even a guy I necessarily want. I just want a fun friend to see alot or a fun job or hobby or something. My life’s just so boring most of the time. I think that’s the problem and I also feel a but pointless and useless apart from my kids needing me. We had a family holiday at the mountains which was fun but also cold and I was sick and tired so it also sucked a bit too. I have a dreaded homeschool report due soon unfortunately. I wish I could avoid those somehow. I got another tarot reading on its way but I guess I already kind of know that none of the guys are right and she will just say he is still coming like they always do ugh. I still worry about the girls but I can see that Brooklyn can read and write and tell time and swim and sleepover and ride and is smart and stuff. I get compliments about me and them alot too. Anyway I hope next month’s better because this whole month hasn’t been awesome or anything.

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5 July

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Its been a long time sine i wrote anything but here i am again. Not much has happened thats very exciting like usual apart from with my ex who ended up becoming my actual boyfriend finally. We continued to live together and fight and live apart and try again like usual. He continued to be abusive and addicted to stuff and borrow $ that i often didnt get back. Im not perfect and i have a big mouth but i try. Last night he set stuff on fire out the front of my unit so i called the cops and got a 5 year dvo taken out on him. I feel sad and bad about it because i always just want to make up with people but he just keeps carrying on and on. I have to do this though because obviously things are never going to change and i know i deserve better. He pretty much has no one now. He had been off his addictions for 2.5 days but our fights are so destructive to both of us and its never going to work. Hopefully this second half of the year will be way better. I still doubt whether its my fault of course but when everyone hates him and he has addictions and is always in trouble with the cops, im pretty sure its mostly him. We go to the bunya mountains for a 4 day holiday next week so that will be lovely because i never do anything like that much and its like a fresh start. Then i have brooklyns birthday and then unfortunately i have her homeschool report due early august so that sucks. Im so tired of all these spiritual people saying shits about to happen or going to happen but it feels like things are just the same. Im relieved when he is gone because he is hard to live with in a way. We could probably last together if we lived apart. Maybe he is a karmic and hopefully i find my soul mate or whatever soon. I deserve something good because apart from little things, not much good ever happens to me. Anyway, thats about it. Last fight he threatened to kill me, spat at me, kicked a dent in my car, etc. Its getting worse each time. Sometimes i think im addicted to the drama or something because my dad was a bit violent and scary, my first love was bipolar or something and then my ex hubby was a bit less shit but still not good enough. Now it seems like ive downgraded even more somehow from all of them. Hopefully its only onwards and upwards from here. Even the daily universe messages etc were rebirth, new start, etc and my horoscope/psychics have said stuff about love in july but then others havnt so i guess we will see. Cross your fingers for me. We go on a short rare holiday soon too so that seems like part of the end/start to something and lots of karmics are ending now apparently. Hopefully this finally is it.

Car damage

Drugs

Kids

Drink drive

Fire

Theft

Property damage

Sex harassment

Threats

Verbal abuse

$, housing, transport, phone, power, food

Spitting

Owes $

Emotional abuse

Mental abuse

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7 June 2022

Last night we fought and I guess broke up already over nothing. It was huge though. He left but I went and got him tonight. It was his birthday today. He said he loves me. He broke the chain I bought him. He slept in the bushes that night. He blames me. I said sorry. He almost hit me because he was so mad. He knows he needs to fix himself. He might be going away to work for a bit so he said we can maybe try again when he gets back. Then later he said we are too different because he wants to experiment with sex and I kind of don’t. So it’s like he is trying to find excuses to push me away again. I’m so over his shit. He isn’t even that great. I wish I could just get over him and find someone decent I like. It’s always about sex with him. He is meant to be moving back to his uncles again and living in his trailer like he wanted to in the first place. He always says to go slow and we always both mess it up. He said I love ya but that sounds like a friend sort of. I told him I don’t know how to act around him now. We arent even sleeping in the same bed anymore and he doesnt really seem to care. I know I deserve better but I can’t seem to let go and he can’t either. He said that the anger he had the other night wasn’t even that much compared to how bad he can get. In prison he stabbed a guy in the neck with a pen. My horse almost fell over the other day at riding but I stayed on. Thursday night he dreamt of me cheating with heaps of guys and he almost messaged me because it upset him. He took heaps of drugs and wants to give up again because he said he fails at everything. I told him it makes me sad and I wish he wouldn’t give up on me so easily. He reminded me that we have had lots of fights. Most of them have been from us living together though or me wanting a relationship and him being scared or stuffing me around. Im so tired of waiting for him all the time and then one fight screws it all up and we are back at square one again. At least he has a double bed in his camper so I could stay or have privacy with him this time if I visit. He obviously cares if he had that dream. Last time he was at his uncles he lasted about a month so hopefully that’s all I have to wait again this time. I know it’s probably never going to work out but I can’t give it up. It’s so annoying because I deserve better but I don’t like the better people unfortunately. The days are so boring and crappy. I wish we hadn’t screwed things up but it’s probably just inevitable anyway. He is impossible to get along with and that’s with everyone. The stupid thing is that when he wants me or wants to move in, I don’t want him but when the opposite happens then I want the opposite. I’m just so tired of all the shitness of everything despite trying. I’m over everyone’s bullshit. I’m sick of being nice for nothing but I can’t stop or I feel horrible. I wish something good would happen for once. Saturday night my friend Mick called and bagged C out to me and told me I’m beautiful so now C is mad again. He still hasn’t forgiven me for the fight and he said I’m just pushing him away more by pushing him to make up. He said we are taking things slow again but got annoyed when I asked him to clarify. I’m mad at myself for messing things up but it was him too so I wish he would get over it. I guess it means he cares alot if he is still upset. Maybe now he will realise that I do have other options like I said and he kind of doesn’t I think. We tried to save a bird but it died.

6,15,24-3 6s in june-sign to make changes to your life path. 6th-big fight. 666 portal heaven. I have soul mate by now, written down for the 15th too.

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27 May 2022

He moved in on this date and apparently we started dating but he wasn’t overly clear about it. We still aren’t fb friends or have our relationship status up. So much good and bad has happened and I’m not even sure I want him anymore because I know I deserve so much better. I feel so confused. I wrote a letter to the universe on the new moon on June 1 I think it was. It was 3 pages of my perfect man. I buried it in the dirt below the big mango tree down the back. I really hope it comes true but if he does love me then it will break his heart. I’m literally all he has left now I think. Everyone else hates him. He just doesn’t treat me good enough though and now that I have him, I guess, it bothers me. Maybe he will get better but I doubt it. I’m the only person that’s been there for him no matter what. Other stuffs been bothering me again lately too like the way I look. I wish I could just be happy and not care about stuff anymore.

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11 May 2022

I cant believe its may already. This year is going so fast but thats good because the sooner time passes, the sooner i might get to meet my soul mate or something good might happen at least. C read my last message last night but didnt reply but he messaged already this morning at 830 saying his phone isnt charging and he hopes his message sends. He said he is coming into town again today so he will come see me in the arvo. At least my skin looks a bit better today thanks to this new blemish spot cream stuff i got to try. I didnt take my pill last night because im sick of being grumpy etc. I still have horrible sun damage and wrinkles but i am 40 so its kind of normal. My teeth are slightly yellow on the sides and so many other things are less than perfect but its my eyes that make me feel plain the most i think. I dont know if its society or me but i need to do something regularly about it soon so i can go back to feeling good. I have dark circles and bags under my eyes but lashes and brows seem to help quite a bit so its very much worth it. The girls dad must have deleted his facebook and his ex unfriended me. Yesterday was a big feelings day for lots of reasons. Today i have my free access bars appointment which ive never done before and have no idea what they do but hopefully it makes a difference because i hate feeling shit but having no interest in fixing it either. Its ridiculously bullshit. I was thinking last night for some reason about all the mean things people say and why theyre wrong. I was also thinking about how everyone goes to work and either does something after like gym or guitar and then maybe on the weekends they might play cricket or something. I have horse riding once a week at least. I probably need something else too. I mean i sing but that doesnt seem like a proper thing sort of. I write sometimes but its not regular. I just feel like im too boring for people sometimes. Im sure theres others out there like me. I know my friend works and does nothing else except watch movies or drink or whatever. I just like the simple things in life like movies, sleep, cuddles, talking, showers, animals, taking amateur photos, walks, reading little things, laughing, singing, etc. Im not some exciting person who is into everything like alot of people are and thats ok. I feel pressured to be more but i dont like doing stuff all the time. Im an introvert and i like being at home. Im natural and down to earth but creative and stuff at the same time. I have lots of interests and ideas but not much motivation to go do them, especially regularly. I do something once alot of the time and then im kind of over it. Anyway, hopefully that means that C was telling the truth and really wants to see me if he is trying again today and is still talking about his phone. I guess i should just trust people and if they lie then thats their problem for being a douche, not mine. I read a thing today that said that currently we are going through a period that has something to do with the past from 2005-2007. That was about the time that i was between my 2 main relationships and thats where i am now too. Or it was when the first one ended and the second one hadnt happened yet. Either way, its still me waiting for the next one and being stuck in this annoying in between stage. Its now been 3 years and 3 months since i left my husband. The divorce has only been about a year. The separation has been about 2.5 years. The last single gap was about 2.5 to 3 years. So its about bloody time that someone decent came along because i really dont think C is it. My ex husband and i were probably together for about 10.5 years. My first ex and i were about 5.5 years. Maybe July will be my month, although May isnt over yet. I replied to his text but he didnt reply back but he read it. I guess i just need to stop doubting people if they say they love me, although they really should act like it but i guess pet names and shit dont really mean anything because its just words. Its just that words are important to me, being a writer and all but they can just be lies anyway. Its actions that mean something really i suppose. So if im meant to have a baby by a certain time and be friends first, then id have to meet the guy by the start of next year at the latest. I want it to be this year though because its a love year and 40 and ascension etc. Im meant to get their help with my new gift and career by december or something too. So im thinking it will probably be by then at least and maybe C is just a distraction until then. Its been pouring rain on and off for days here so im thinking of putting off horse riding for a bit because it always floods there. I dont know why C needs to come into town again today if he was here yesterday. Maybe for a job seeker appointment he missed or something. I wish i could afford to get my natal chart read because that might tell me when i will meet someone but its so expensive. I only want to know one question. I guess its probably going to happen this year at least because of all the readings. It might even be a bit before december to give it time to happen. I think most readings are meant to be for like 3 to 6 months or something and the last one i had was about 3 months ago so it could happen soon.

C called because he wanted a lift and didnt even say bye properly. He was meant to see me this afternoon but got a lift with his uncle instead. He sent a message saying he is getting a new phone tomorrow so he will call then and goodnight darl. Something feels weird though. He was looking at me weird when i saw him today but maybe he was checking me out. His phone isnt staying turned on or charging or something. I went to my access bars appointment and almost fell asleep but i was cold. I came home and got mad about the mess that our house is always in and was a bit mean to the kids. I feel ugly but everyone else seems to have fake lashes and winged liner so thats probably the only reason they look good too. I hate that my nose is curved along the top from the side view and i wish i could afford to fix it. Ive read alot of stuff saying something good and possibly love is coming and i even got a love tarot card today so hopefully. My belly feels fat too lately and i have been over eating or late night eating and not sleeping well. Im just so tired of all these shit feelings lately because i was doing good for a while there, despite anything. I guess i shouldnt care about the house too much because its just stuff. I guess i shouldnt care about looks too much because most people my age look fairly average without makeup or anything and i can book in again soon. I guess i shouldnt care about C because he isnt my person and he isnt good enough so if he doesnt appreciate me or treat me good enough, its because he isnt good enough to realise how good i am and treat me good because he is a douche and likes douches most of the time. I guess i shouldnt care too much about my belly because most people my age are probably bigger than me anyway. I wish i didnt care about any of it but i do. I want those few things to be good or better. The access bars felt tingly, warm, relaxing, light headed, released pain, made me grumpier, exhausted, thirsty, cleaning, ear ring/ache, etc. I will have to see what else i notice of any after effects from it. Tomorrow morning, the girls are spending time with their dad. I think he and his girlfriend have split up for good maybe. Hopefully I feel better tomorrow. I hate feeling like this. Pointless, annoyed, worried, tired, lost, etc.

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10 April 2022

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Today i felt ok i guess and we went and did what we had to. I got more depressed as the day went along because i feel so plain looking now without my lashes but at the same time, i dont want them because theyre annoying and i want to be myself and be liked for myself. I want to stop the pill im on because i think its making me extra grumpy etc. C called and hinted at wanting a lift today i think but didnt actually say it so and i feel ugly and a bit stressed and busy so i didnt offer. Its not my job to babysit his every need. He said it was ok but i still feel bad. Tomorrow im having a free access bars session which ive never had before. Apparently July is meant to be big for some people so hopefully im one of them because my lifes so boring, which is better than stressful i guess. I just feel so lifeless. Maybe its just my hormones or the pill. We should be able to start back at horse riding again next week too i think. Im just not excited about anything though. If i had someone like this one girls boyfriend, he would come with me to stuff and we would go for walks together and play board games and meditate and do exercise and he would be totally organised with spreadsheets for everything and we would have plans for our dream job some day and all that sort of stuff. Instead i have my ex who barely cares. I cant be bothered doing anything. I have C who is mostly just interested in getting lifts and having sex and telling me about every detail of his day and putting me down half the time. I have friends and family who are busy or negative. I have my other ex who is just annoying. I have other guys who just want sex or shallow talk or ignore me or care too much but i dont feel for them. Its all just so depressing and frustrating and pointless and stupid. I keep trying each day but i feel like im getting worse sometimes and getting nowhere at all. I just want to feel pretty and loved but i feel like i have nothing and i feel like im dragging my kids down with me. I wish i knew what to do. Im tired of wasting my time trying for nothing and waiting for better that never comes. I just need something to keep me going somehow.

I guess it doesn’t really matter since C isn’t my soul mate that people have described to me before and he isn’t really good enough anyway. Even though I wish he was, although I don’t even know if I really love him or not anymore but I need someone great for me. I’ve been over eating so much lately. I tried calling C but it didn’t ring and he texted saying his ph was fucking up which it always sort of does. I sent a text saying I just wanted to see if he is ok but he didnt read it yet. I feel like he is a little mad about me not driving him but I’m not his personal chauffeur after all. He has been a bit quiet since I spoke to him after lunch while he was waiting for the bus. Maybe it’s just my mood but I feel like he is annoyed or ignoring me a bit. Maybe he isn’t if his ph was nearly flat ages ago and it’s playing up from him dropping it. I shouldn’t even care but I do and I don’t deserve it. I just wish I could hear from him to make me feel better. He said ph got wet, talk tomorrow. I guess he hopes it’s dry by then but it feels like maybe something suss is going on or he is mad. He won’t tell me anyway. I know other people’s stuff shouldn’t effect me but it does. Mostly guys I like. He said he isn’t mad and he got home ok but he is giving me short answers. He could be high or something because he went to the ice house today I think. I’m just so tired of putting in so much effort with some people and getting not much or alot of annoying attention back. Maybe it’s hard to type if it’s not working well. I just have bad trust issues because of my past and him and my self esteem. I guess I will have to wait and see tomorrow. He annoys me alot but calls me clingy. Etc. I’m just so over it all. I deserve better but I don’t like those people usually. I sent ok xo but he hasn’t bothered to read it. If I don’t answer then he sometimes says I must have blocked him or whatever. I can’t win no matter what I do. I can’t expect good stuff from someone like that I guess. I guess I’ve had a few phone issues that have made it a bit hard for him to get onto me at times. I suppose it’s easiest to just believe people but I hate being lied to and he is renowned for it. If he was waiting for the bus for so long then what was he doing all that time? I guess I can ask tomorrow but that just annoys guys and they could lie anyway. It’s probably best to act happy and dumb and trusting etc. To some extent I am but not in the good way. I guess I often give him short answers like “ok” alot. It reminds me of how I wasn’t allowed at his caravan but she was. Even though he said she found him but I don’t believe him because his stories never add up.

If anyone ever feels like commenting anything helpful on any of my posts, it would be appreciated.

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2-9 May 2022

It’s been a while since I wrote. My friends so over dramatic. It’s really annoying. Sometimes she’s bitchy too but also really helpful. Her kids can be real dicks too. It’s a shame because it would be nice to have a good friend. My periods been crazy on these pills. C stayed over while the kids had a sleepover at their friends. It was really nice and he was so nice and good and loving but back to his normal distant sort of self the next day. I try to help him out so much but he is half jokingly mean to me half the time. He hugged me and kissed my neck like I do to him sometimes but I wanted a peck on the lips like normally. He got really drunk once he was home and called me a ton of times rambling on with a bunch of drunk crap. He always complains about me not cooking, which I probably could if I tried and my parenting. His daughter doesn’t even speak to him and cookings one of the few things he can do apart from his carpentry job. My friend annoys me like so many people do with their high and mighty, know it all, tell me all their bullshit, attitude towards me. It’s no wonder I hate most people. They’re just all so full of shit and don’t listen or respect or help or whatever pretty much. I hate being helpful and dependent because people suck in general and it makes me just want to stay away from them. Although at the same time I really want to make friends and find love and have a community. I hate how selfish people are and how up themselves and how much they under value someone like me. I know I’m not perfect but I try. Maybe not quite as much as I could I guess but still I try.

C is always saying like my other exs would, that all i do is lay around but i do so much stuff with my kids or alot of thinking etc and im a good peron etc. They all have depression etc too so they shouldnt be so bloody judgemental and alot of the time all C did was sleep or take drugs and my exs were always drinking or at work, which isnt all that great a use of ones time anyway half the time. I was even more depressed when i was working but i had to force myself to do stuff so i was probably worse off in some ways and i still have plenty of $ for stuff whereas they are all always broke. It just makes me so mad that people have to be so negative and comment on your life when theyre just as bad in their own ways or worse even. My dads always telling me to get off my phone but i do everything on there. I could be banking, organising playdates, writing my blog, etc. Even if i was wasting time, thats fine too because im a mum who barely gets time for herself and he cant even be bothered to go for a walk with his grandkids half the time. I just dont understand how people have the nerve to judge others out loud but they dont fix their own lives. I could learn to cook if i wanted to but im not interested. They could learn how to be a nice person too but they obviously cant be bothered or they suck or dont realise they suck. I just feel like telling so many people every day to shut the fuck up and mind their own business. So many people need to look in the mirror or stop effecting others before they start telling them how to fix themselves for fucks sake. I lay around alot because im depressed but so do you mate. You dont like my driving? Well guess what? I dont like your alcoholism. At least i have a licence and a car. You think youre better than me because you go to work? Well my kids adore me and think youre a dickhead. Its like they expect you to be perfect but you will never be good enough for them, yet they worship total losers. They do nothing to improve themselves but constantly point out mine or others faults, to make themselves feel better or something? Yet if you ever say anything at all that they dont like, wow look out because you will cop it big time. Thats why i keep my mouth shut mostly. I dont want to be put down or pointed out and i dont want to make others feel bad or have them upset and having a go back at me about it. Then they wonder why you dont like yourself?! Seriously?! So many people need to get a god damn clue and a punch in the face too. Might slap some sense into them if they have any left. Wow im really annoyed today about this, even though its a life long issue for me. Today i walked around feeling like i was living in a shitty dream or something. Maybe im just tired. Its just like, i already have anxiety and feel self conscious enough. I dont need people putting more pressure on me for things that really dont matter all that much. I mean, obviously i realise that alot of these people are dicks anyway so their opinions dont matter but its still annoying. My exs are still single and living at home, homeless, broke, friendless, kicked out, their kids hate them, my friend annoys everyone, my dads so embarrassing that i dont want to take him on any homeschool stuff, my exs are shameful half the time too, so is C, etc. I live with my kids instead of my dad or a partner because i guess i am a bit weird and annoying but i try really hard not to be and alot of people like me but i seem to like idiots. I have a few long term friends but alot of people seem to misunderstand me or dislike me for no real reason. My dad thinks my kids and cat are annoying and likes living along i guess, which is understandable. I guess it all could be because of me being someone that no one really likes but i really do try to be a good person. I guess i dont help some people enough but then i over help C. I try not to say rude or mean things. I dont get drunk too often or take drugs. My kids adore me. I dont know. I hate that they make me doubt myself when im trying to do what i can to be a decent person. Im pretty quiet and shy sometimes so that makes it hard. Alot of people seem to like fake loud idiotic types instead of real people like me. My dad complains about all his friends pretty much so he thinks most people are annoying too. C said im single because my kids are with me so much but if they werent, then theyd be at school and id be at work anyway and i cant help it if their dad barely has them.

Ive been stressing about my eyelashes all week because i pulled them out again plus a few real ones. I love how they look but the gaps annoy me so much and they happen so fast. Plus one sides always much less because i sleep on that side despite trying not too apparently. I realised i have small round eyes. I might go back to the lash lift and tint and see if its good enough or something because it was cheaper and easier and stuff but not as dramatically beautiful. If i keep pulling the extensions out and getting annoyed about them then its not worth it i guess. Although the lift probably doesnt give me that almond look but maybe i could just stick my own on the outer edges or ask someone else. The girl that does mine said no but im sure you probably could or I read it somewhere i think. At least it would be cheaper but i guess it would probably still get the gap. I could probably go every week to fix it maybe. Im just not sure what to do. I look ok natural but not that pretty or anything and i hate putting makeup on every day. I could get eyeliner tattoo but if it looks bad then im stuck with it and everything ive done so far has been a bad idea like fake tanning and skin peels etc. I just want to hurry up and meet my soul mate and have adventures so i can get away from all this stuff. No stupid people, no being on my own, no boredom, no feeling ugly and pointless, no abuse, no worry, etc. Even just a perfect unschool bestie would be good. Or a purpose or something.

Lifes been pretty much the same old shit since i last wrote. C messages or calls me quite a bit. Im still not with him. He comes and goes. Our days are pretty boring. I reminded him that i love him on the weekend and he said it back. I asked him if he really did and he said yes and i said good because i do too. It just doesnt feel like it alot of the time though. I mean i drive him around and he picks me flowers and i give him stuff and he is a bit mean jokingly half the time. He has cut back on his drug use a bit supposedly. He is trying to get into a caravan park up the road from me. I dont know why but i kind of dont really feel excited about him that much anymore because he is so mean sometimes and calls me so much or whatever. Im not sure. Maybe because he doesnt act like im special enough just like everyone else acts like. He goes on about how sexy i am when we have sex or whatever and he calls and i get a kiss goodbye mostly now but i dont know. Now that i have him, even though we still arent together properly, it just doesnt feel good enough just like all my past loves. It sounds like he might be able to get a place up the road from me so thats great because he can get around a bit easier and visit more. Hopefully i get to visit him too. I always feel like im not good enough for everyone because of how they act and it makes me mad because i know im trying my best and im a good person. Then all those stupid spiritual people say its my fault that my lifes shit for not loving myself enough or whatever. Hopefully if he lives back in town he will stay away from idiots but i doubt it. He will probably still have to get to his drug houses unless he can meet them somewhere or get them to come to him or something. So he will have to walk on his hurt leg, try to catch buses or taxis or ask me for lifts still. At least most stuff will be close enough for him to walk to because we are close to the middle of town here. So thats good at least. Im not sure what it is. I guess i dont like him picking on me because if he loves me then he is meant to do nice stuff for me. Maybe when he is feeling better about stuff he will. My dad hates him though so thats probably never going to work out really. I woke up feeling a bit sad this morning for some reason though. I havnt been sleeping well lately, which is weird for me.

I dont care if other people say i suck or are mean or do nothing. I just want that one person that loves me, to think im amazing no matter what. I guess after a bit, even i dont think that about people i love but i still try to be positive and believe in them and stuff like i am with him even though he is a total dick alot of the time. I just feel so weird today for some reason. Im tired of trying and barely having any interest in life. Im tired of everyone acting like i suck. Im tired of never feeling good enough. Im tired of nothing ever being that great. Maybe thats whats bothering me. I know im a good person. I want a love that knows it too. I know he isnt good enough. Everyone else can get fucked. Apparently once i meet my person, everything will change and life is meant to change soon according to all the spiritual people. I want to do stuff and be happy and the world says it has to be on my own but i dont want it to be. Ive done alot on my own already. Ive been told by so many that i will meet my person soon. I really hope its true and soon. This year is going so fast. Its May already. Its almost halfway through the year and i thought i might have met my person already. The middle of the year felt so far but its almost here already. I just wish my time would hurry up and be here. Im so tired of waiting and hoping and being disappointed. Im just so bored with everything these days. Im so over everything. I just want something new and good to happen. Living like this right now, is so pointless and dull. I was told he was coming so it has to be this year surely.

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